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''Mmmmm! Delish....oh....''

When you fly off on holiday do you ever bother booking a meal on the aeroplane? They used to be included, of course but now they cost extra most of us don't bother.... however, have you ever had that thing happen where the people in front DO have a meal and it smells misleadingly delicious? In reality it's probably just a wizened piece of chicken or a miserably tiny omelette and a cocktail sausage - but oh! the smell! And HOW much you then REALLY want one as you sigh and resignedly nibble your Aldi crisps .... anyway, I only mention this because some airlines are trialling EDIBLE containers for the food instead of the conventional tinfoil 'dog dish'. It doesn't sound exactly delicious, being manufactured from banana leaves, coffee grinds, seaweed and pasta husks but it's certainly very clever and very good for the planet - and who knows? They might run out of Pringles on the trolley! I'm imagining a harrassed mum on a flight to Tenerife.... "Mum! I don't like this dinner!" "I tell you what then, sweetheart - give your chicken to daddy and you just eat the box...."

With most of the papers full of political recriminations and editorial rhetoric it was interesting this morning to see The Sun lead with a scary subject - no, not a politician - the Loch Ness Monster! Fancy that - Nessie. Almost as rare as a live debate in the House of Commons.

Has the video of the Scotswoman with her shoes on the wrong feet come up on your Facebook feed yet? It's good fun - she looked amazing but couldn't work-out why she could barely walk, let alone have a dance! One of the best things about being a fella is that when we spend a substantial amount on new shoes we get something solid - a reasonable amount of shoe for our money. Women? You get a wappy bit of strapping too small to properly squeeze your foot into! No wonder you've got corns. Get your own back, I say - go out dancing in your wellies!

Oh - and speaking of dancing it's been revealed that Linsey Lohan has her own private TOILET CUBICLE reserved when she goes out for a boogie - so it's nice and clean and she doesn't have to queue. I can't imagine that going down TERRIBLY welll with all the girls plaiting their legs while she goes merrily sailing past them.... ''I can't wait any longer.... Ooh, Sandra love - pass me that champagne bucket and stand in front of me!"

In the event that they're foolhardy enough to let me back in the building I'll rock-up every weekday morning in your Amazon Echo, car or clock radio with Signal 2 Breakfast - I'd love you to join me :-)