.

''A gin and....oh.... er - Oi! a gin.... Oh piggin' 'ell!"

It's strictly tea at breakfast time on Signal 2 but scientists are talking ''G and t'' this morning - and the problems of getting served at a busy bar; they recon 'face scanning' could be the answer! Everyone gets served in turn, they say.... the camera will always be clever enough to know 'who's next'. I still think there'll be tears before bedtime when it gets close to closing time. And what if identical twins go to the bar? One of them could be there all night! ''Er - excuse me mate.... you've just HAD three gins and a bag of scratchings!"   ''Oh, that wasn't me - it was my twin''   ''Yeah - they all say that, pal - NEXT!" 

Lots of lovely tributes this morning for the incredible Joe Longthorne, MBE - WONDERFUL singer, impressionist and all-round entertainer.... bless his soul. He'd been fighting cancer on-and-off since the 80s but kept on performing and tirelessly fund-raising. Three platinum albums, sell-out gigs at The London Palladium, a Variety Club Lifetime Achievement award and an MBE - THAT'S a life to be proud of eh? Also in the news is Great British Legend John Cleese who's now 79 and says he has injections of stem cells to help keep him looking and feeling young - good for him! If only they made his new sitcom a bit funnier....

Remember we talked about that Frenchman who wanted to cross the channel on a kind of flying skateboard but fell in the sea halfway over? He's only gone and done it! Took him just 23 minutes - how good is that? I'm wondering if another hover-board pulled alongside him just before he landed with a stewardess on it trying to flog him some duty-free :-)

Were you one of the millions of Nationwide customers who got an email saying there was nothing in the account - even though it was perfectly healthy? Talk about panic - you'd be beside yourself! Apparently it's all to do with changes to accounts and data protection - unless Boris has borrowed it for all these new hospital wards.... :-)

Tuesday Breakfast on Signal 2 it is, then - you in? 

DJ  x